03 Oct 2016

Reasons Why Christian Men Don’t Make a Move

Reasons Why Christian Men Don’t Make a Move

I hear this question time and time again, “Why don’t Christian guys make a move?”

“Why are nonbelievers so driven in comparison to Christian men when it comes to asking women out on a date?”

There’s a few reasons to this:

  1. Men are inundated with choices when it comes to Christian dating.

There are usually more women to men ratio in churches or in Christian circles.

Because of this, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of waiting for “someone better” to come along.

     2. Having more options paralyses people.

Imagine going to a grocery store to pick up something. Nowadays, you are presented with a lot of options to choose from – different brands, different flavors, different sizes.. you get the point.

It puts pressure on people to make the “right choice” and “shop around” because now there are so many different things to evaluate before you make a decision. It would be a lot more straightforward if you were presented with say, only 2 options.

    3. More choices are not necessarily better.

There are many Christian men who reject the bright, godly and amazing women because they would rather wait for the “perfect person” to come into their lives which couldn’t be more than a figment of their imagination.

They need to open their eyes to the blessings all around them and be courageous to take that next step. For God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power.

   4. Men are struggling with insecurities and doubts.

Men, not just women are also struggling with insecurities and doubts. However it would be worse for men because they are not brought up to “talk about their feelings” just like women do. As a result, they normally keep it to themselves not knowing how to process their past hurt or issues. No wonder for some men once bitten, twice shy. They are afraid of getting rejected again or have this nagging feeling that they don’t measure up.

5. The opposite of fear and doubt is a man of confidence and faith – which is a massive threat to the enemy.

Can you imagine what would happen if all of our men submitted to God’s Spirit and were filled with confidence, power, faith, and strength? It would totally turn our world upside down!

The enemy wants to hold us back, by filling our men with lies that they are not good enough, strong enough, brave enough, or worthy enough. Lies that tell them that they will fail, they will falter and  they won’t measure up. So why even bother trying in the first place?

If you are one of these Christian men, then you need to stop believing the lies of the enemy and start having a little bit of faith in God and in yourself.

Trust that God has made you righteous when He died on the cross for you and you have been given everything that you need in Jesus Christ to live the calling that God has placed on you. This could be pursuing a relationship, a ministry, changing your career or starting a family.

19 Sep 2016

First date venue and activities

First date venue and activities

She has finally agreed to go on a date with you and you are probably thinking on a few hundred different possibilities on what to do, where to go in order to impress her. My tip is on the first date, keep it simple.

The following two questions will help you decide on your first date venue and activities:

What would you be most comfortable doing? Coffee? Dinner? Maybe drinks after work?
Go with the coffee option if you want to keep it low key. If you are more interested in her then you can ask her out for a lunch or dinner. One thing to remember though, the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she feels and the better that your date will go.

If you want to ask her out for dinner but don’t want to go all out either but you still want to impress her. I recommend going to a tapas bar. Tapas are light and you can order a few dishes without breaking your bank. There is also something special about sharing a meal that really bonds people.

What’s the easiest for the two of you? If you both work in the city then you guys could go out for a coffee or lunch on your first date. However it would be worthwhile picking a day that is closer towards the weekend, as usually from mid-week onwards people are less busy and by Friday they are already looking forward to the weekend and hence, they will be in a better mood.

If the date goes really well during the week, then you also will have an opportunity to hang out with them again a few days later on the weekend for your second date.

If you want to really impress your date – make sure that you book a table a few days ahead of time!

19 Sep 2016

Successful Dating & how to secure a second date

Successful Dating & how to secure a second date

You have a date set and you’re finally going to meet the person that you’ve been chatting for weeks.

To make your first date successful, we’ve compiled top 7 tips to help you ace your first date and get a second date.

Body language

Body language plays a huge role in forming first impressions of what your date thinks of you.

Follow these tips and you’re on your way to making a good impression on your first date:

Smile – smiling is contagious and it makes people feel at ease straight away around you. It indicates friendliness, openness and it takes down barriers. If your date sees that you’re smiling, they are more likely to smile as well.

Maintain an ‘open’ body language – don’t cross your arms or legs as this will come across as defensive. Instead, lean forward as it shows that you’re interested. Open body language also shows that you’re being genuine, honest and there is nothing to hide. It also signifies confidence which is really attractive in a partner.

Watch your date’s body language – you also want to see the same from your date. However it is perfectly normal at the start of the date to see your date’s body language as a bit closed off as they too would be nervous seeing it’s a first date.

Slowly, you want to see their body language open up which is a good sign that they are also interested in you.

Maintain a good amount of eye contact. This definitely helps you to connect with your date but don’t stare at them for too long as you would come across as being creepy.

For guys – make sure you take care of the bill at the end of your first date. It shows that you’re taking the initiative and girls like to see guys who take charge of the situation.

If you’re the type who would rather split 50:50 on the first date, remember in a few years you probably won’t remember the amount of money that were coming out from your pocket, but you will certainly remember those warm fuzzy feelings if the date went well.

For guys – Line up your second date, before the first one has finished. If during the date you are really interested in her, and you are pretty sure that she is also interested in you, then bring up the topic of a second date. This not only gets your date excited but it also takes away all the post-date stress for both of you, knowing that you have a second date planned.

*Note: this should only be done late in the date just before your first date ended, otherwise you’ll come across as being clingy.

For guys – follow up with her as soon as your first date has finished. This serves two purpose:

• You want to see if she got home OK
• You want to eliminate the post-date stress by hearing from her immediately before your second date

To send a follow-up text is really easy. Just keep it simple and straightforward by saying:
“Make sure you text me when you get home safe”

Then when she gets home she’ll send you a “home safe 🙂” text, which will break that post-date ice.

13 Sep 2016

Tips Optimize Your Christian Dating Profile

Tips Optimize Your  Christian Dating Profile

There once was a time when using Christian dating apps or sites to meet new people was considered as weird or a “taboo”. However in this day and age, meeting potential partners through dating apps is no longer unheard of.

Here we’ll be sharing 5 tips on how to optimise your Holyfire profile so you can get more matches and dates.

1st tip: Make sure that you only use the best photo as your first picture/ profile image
First impression counts and people judge you based on your appearance, whether you like it or not. So put your best face forward by using the best photo as your first profile photo. Your profile picture is the only thing that your potential matches see when they are browsing profiles. Only after they click on your photo will they see your bio or other images.

2nd tip: Your profile photo should only be a picture of you
If you use a group photo as your first image, then users won’t know which one is you out of the group. So save them the time and trouble by using only a photo of you as the profile photo.

You can include a group image, but arrange them more towards the middle section or towards the end.

3rd tip: Use the ‘bio section’ to your advantage

Here you can list some of the things that you’re good at or passionate about but don’t write an essay. The point is that it should be enough to get them to want to get to know you more but don’t give it all away. You don’t want someone to know everything about you even before you meet them.

Always remember this: your bio should be used for one purpose only, that is to start conversations.

4th tip: Want to stand out from the dating crowd? Say something other than just the standard ‘hi’ or ‘hello’
And then expecting to get a reply. If you want to get replies, the best thing is to ask questions about the other person. Asking questions is an excellent way to show them that you’re interested in them and to get the conversations started.

If you don’t get a reply straight away, then wait at least two days before you send them another message. In your follow up message, no need to comment on the fact that he/ she never replied to your first message. Keep it positive!

5th tip: Don’t let the conversations fizzle out
Try to keep the ‘mundane’ conversations to a bare minimum as I mentioned in my earlier post here as you don’t want the conversations to slowly fizzle out. For tips on how to keep the conversations flowing, read my blog on 10 questions to ask on first date.

And if you didn’t get a respond that you want? Don’t sweat it and move on. You don’t need validation from a match and you should be confident in your identity in Christ and what He thinks of you regardless of their response. You need to be secure in who you are and what you bring to the table which is key to any relationships.

If you follow these Top 5 dating Tips, you’ll be well on your way to more matches and dates. If you’re not getting the results that you want, then change your approach. Try different profile images, use different bios or write different starting conversations. Good luck!

16 Aug 2016

10 Questions to Ask on First Date

10 Questions to Ask on First Date

Online Christian dating can be scary… you’ll finally meet the person that you’ve been texting all week. While you’re looking forward to having the first date, expectations usually don’t match reality.

The last thing that you want is being stuck on a bad date, full of awkward silences.

Here’s why we’ve compiled 10 questions to ask on the first date to make your first date interesting and successful.

Tip: Keep every-day, mundane conversations topics like work, school and weather to an absolute minimum.

Having boring conversations that are ‘safe’ because you want the other person to like you is a mistake that most people make. It’s why people would say “yeah he/ she is fine, I think the date went well, but there wasn’t any chemistry“.

The other mistake that most people make in online dating is getting stuck into their personal issues from the get go – pouring their heart out hoping that the other person will understand and sympathise. NO. You are on your first date. The goal here is to present yourself in the most attractive way.

To avoid these pitfalls. Here are some 10 good questions to get the conversation flowing and help you find out more about the other person:

  • What do you normally get up to during the week or weekend? This will give you a good insight on what he/ she likes to do in their spare time.
  • Do you go to church? Which church do you go to?
  • When did you become a Christian?
  • What’s your testimony? Only asks this question if you feel that the time is right. If your date has to go in 5-10 minutes, don’t ask them this question as it might take them a bit longer to explain. Instead, save this as a second date question.
  • What’s your background? This is a legitimate question if your date comes from a different country and you’re curious to find out where they’re from.
  • How long have you been here for? Again, another safe question to ask. This indicates that you’re interested in them and their story
  • What’s your plan? Are you planning to stay here long term This tells you if they have a visa that’s expiring in a month and hence the need to go back to their own country
  • Do you have any brothers or sisters? You can be a bit playful here and based on the previous questions answered, you can guess whether they are the oldest or youngest in the family by saying “well you seem to be quite responsible and mature, I’m guessing you’re the oldest!”
  • What’s one of your favourite childhood memories? Everyone has some favourite childhood memories that they can’t forget. Take time to really explore this and take an interest in it. Let them feel those emotions again.
  • First impressions are always interesting.. don’t you think. Tell me what’s your first impression of me.. I’ll start first This is a good icebreaker but also gives you a chance to be completely honest with your date, but still keep it nice. For example, you can tell them that they have this really bubbly energy that you can’t pick up over text.

The key here is to find topics that are slightly uncomfortable but still interesting enough to get the conversations flowing. However don’t venture into the deeper conversations when you feel that neither of you are ready. Observe your date’s body language. If you feel that he/ she is closing in and/ or feeling defensive. Change the topic. You don’t want to leave the first date with a bad experience. Good luck on your first date!

13 Aug 2016

Top 5 Places to Meet Christian Singles

Top 5 Places to Meet Christian Singles

Every now and again we hear the same questions:

“How do we find good single Christian men or women? It seems that all the good ones are already taken”

“Is there any good online Christian dating site/ app that I could use to try and meet new people?”

Here we’ve compiled a list of the top 5 places where to meet Christian singles.

#1 Church

This may seem like an obvious one in Christian relationships & dating. But the people who regularly attend church are the ones who kept showing up in your life. Which means that there are more chances for you to talk to them, get to know the person and find out what he/ she is like. And if you feel connected, you guys could go out for a coffee. Don’t think that 1 date means that you guys are going to get married in 60 seconds. Getting to know your future partner may take months or even years before you make that level of commitment so be realistic. Start as friends first and see where it could take you.

#2 Connect Groups

Besides going to church, attending connect groups is also an excellent way for you to meet your future partner. There’s usually a lot of movements in church and people tend to be distracted. With Christian connect groups, people sit down in circles and usually they are encouraged to share what God has done for them during the week or someone would open up and share their struggles. This is a really good way of getting to get to know someone. Usually when you get raw and open up, the real person surfaces.

Most churches have plenty of groups that are catered to different age groups, interests and locations so find one that suits you and jump in.

#3 Serving

Serving at church is also a great way for you to get connected with people who have the same heart and calling as you do. Find out which ministry that God has been calling you to do. Get out of your comfort zone and start serving!

#4 Friends & Family

This is a no brainer but birds of a feather do flock together. A good way to meet your future partner is usually from your immediate circle of friends and family. However if you have exhausted your network of friends and still can’t find anyone.. This brings us to our next point

#5 Christian dating websites/ app

The thing with meeting people in real life is that it can come with its own set of challenges. People are usually tired, distracted or they are too afraid to make the first move. In Christian circles, it can also mean that your immediate friends and family are already taken and are in the next stage of life (engaged, married with kids hence different social circles altogether) or you’re all in the same boat (single and ready to mingle). And this is where it gets tricky.

To widen your network and meet Christian singles, you need to jump online. These days it’s getting more and more acceptable to meet people online. Online dating is no longer weird or a taboo.

Holyfire app is a great way to meet Christian singles in your local area. Whether you are going to church or walking down the street to pick up some groceries. You’ll get matched with Christian singles near you.

Download this app today!

We hope you find your true love soon 🙂